What A Dick

Jokes

2009-08-24T19:57:00.003-05:00

Hey fuckos: here's a joke for your stupid asses. I raped your mother with a 2x4. LOL.

Taking a Break

2009-08-17T12:30:00.000-05:00

Be back in a few more days. Until then, go fuck yourself.

BIG BUTTER JESUS

2009-08-11T21:44:00.000-05:00

LOL. Just LOL.

Old Nigs are Still Nigs

2009-08-09T08:40:00.001-05:00

Faggot-Free Friday

2009-08-07T21:55:00.001-05:00

Steven Tyler Fell, Can't Get Up

2009-08-06T19:38:00.004-05:00

Aerosmith lead singer Steven Tyler, known in the geriatric community for dancing wildly with his microphone stand decorated with long, trailing scarves, fell off the stage during a performance at the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally in South Dakota on Wednesday night

According to the Associated Press, he was airlifted to a hospital after tumbling backwards off the stage while wondring around in a confused and stuporous state during a break in “Love in an Elevator” to entertain the crowd when the sound system failed. Luckily he had a LifeAlert Bracelet on, and assistance arrived promptly.

Halfway through the performance, Tyler, 61, fell from the stage onto a couple of fans. He broke his hip, wrist, ankle, and is now feeling a bit cranky.

At the hospital he was served a nice meal of mashed 'nanas and prune juice, his usual favorites

Tyler attended Sturgis last year to promote his Dirico Wheelchair line, and was doing the same thing this year, and performing.

Diarrhea

2009-08-03T18:06:00.004-05:00

It is never good to have water come out of your asshole. Along with sweating, cramps, nausea. this is punishment straight from Jesus, right into your asshole. The splatter-back from the shits hitting the water, onto your thighs and taint. And then the next round. The stench is enough to make you want to kill yourself. The only consolation is that the next unsuspecting sap who walks into the bathroom is going to hit a wall of shit-stank. Before you flush, take a good hard look in the bowl. You made this. You made this. You are disgusting.

Hungry?

2009-08-01T18:25:00.000-05:00

Faggot-Free Friday

2009-07-31T23:49:00.000-05:00

Here is a picture and words

2009-07-29T20:00:00.002-05:00

I am writing words. Fuck shit dog-piss balls ass cunt dick. Laff. Laff. Words. Yeah, this is me trying, this is me trying. If you don't like it, send me an email or leave a comment. It's not like I'm getting paid for this shit.

Sarah Palin starring in "Fuck You to Death"

2009-07-28T19:29:00.006-05:00

A cunt. Whore. Dumb Bitch. Useless Retard. I swear to Jesus Christmastime-Fuckface, that I would punch this bitch in the throat until I decapitated her. But first I would have to decorate her face in a nice warm bath of my jizz. She is a pretty hot MILF, but at the same time, she has the mental capacity of a sack of rotten chicken leg pieces. I'm torn between wanting to kill this dumb fuck, and want to fuck this dumb fuck. The only solution is to fuck her to death. It would be unmerciless and disgusting. After I used my mini-fist on all of her orifices, I would use a cheesegrater, an ice scraper, a 2-liter bottle of RC Cola, and finally a red-hot clothing iron. After that, I would snap a few photos and sell them for some quick cash, and use that money to fund an organization to hunt down all the dipshits who voted for her and Oldy Olderson, and soak them in gasoline, follwed by a match. Maybe I will win the Nobel peace prize, or possibly an Emmy. In the end, the world will truly be a better place.

Thanks!

2009-07-27T20:06:00.001-05:00

Thanks for all of the page views everyone! (10,000+) I couldn't have done it without you. Now take that big black cock in your mouth, whore.

Fuck Your God, Your Lord, Your Christ

2009-07-25T17:15:00.002-05:00

I Got's Me a Muthafuckin' Dream, Beeotch!

2009-07-25T14:28:00.003-05:00

I gots a hard-on that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."

I gots a hard-on that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former niggers and the sons of former nigger owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I gots a hard-on that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of thuggin and justice.

I gots a hard-on that my four little niggers will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their koolaide but by the content of their wallets.

I gots a hard-on today!

I gots a hard-on that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of "interposition" and "nullification" -- one day right there in Alabama little nigger boys and nigger girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I gots a hard-on today!

I gots a hard-on that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight; "and the glory of the big-dicked gangstas shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together."²

Thuggin at last! Thuggin at last!

Thank Pimp Almighty, we be thuggin at last!

SMOKE.

2009-07-24T19:25:00.000-05:00

SMOKE

ARE YA SMOKIN' YET??

Faggot-Free Friday

2009-07-24T19:16:00.000-05:00

I'VE GOT A HARD-ON THE SIZE OF MONTANA

2009-07-22T23:03:00.001-05:00

Chris Farley: You Fat Fuck

2009-07-20T22:37:00.002-05:00

Chris Farley died because he was too fat and did coke. He looks like a beached whale with a fur coat. Here's you, here's me. Here's you, I'm dead. He had a piece of polish sausage lodged in his crack pipe. Maybe he didn't "fit the mold", or "wear clean underwear", or "care about his life enough to take care of himself". You know what, his career started going downhill after Hollywood Ninja, which was retarded. I'm glad he died. That way he couldn't make any more shitty-ass movies. Fat prick.

Retards Wanted in Couple's Murder

2009-07-19T09:15:00.004-05:00

PENSACOLA, Fla. — The spokeswoman for the family of a slain wealthy Florida couple says the safe stolen from their home contained only helmets, drool cups, and shiny pieces of tinfoil.

Spokeswoman Crystal Spencer said Friday that she announced the contents of the safe to put to rest intense speculation and rumors about the Billings family. She did not elaborate.

Spencer's statement came just before Byrd and Melanie Billings' funeral. The couple was known for adopting 13 retards.

They were drooled on to death and a safe was taken from their nine-bedroom home west of Pensacola last week.

4 local retards are wanted for questioning in relation to this case. One other retard is being held for questioning. In an exclusive interview "Jimmy Duff" has been quoted as saying, "Duckies, blaaaaaaaa, de de de de dURRRRRRR ! plop."

Escambia County law enforcement said this week that robbery was a motive for the crime.

Faggot-Free Friday

2009-07-17T20:03:00.001-05:00

Charles Nelson Reilly: Fag

2009-07-16T18:51:00.003-05:00

Reilly did not publicly proclaim his faggotry until his one man show Save It for the Stage. However, much like fellow game-show regular Paul Lynde of the same era, Reilly played up a campy on-screen persona. In many episodes of Match Game, he would lampoon himself by briefly affecting a deep voice and the nickname "Chuck", and self-consciously describing how "butch" he was. He mentioned in a 2002 interview with Entertainment Tonight that he felt no need to note this and that he never purposefully hid his faggotry from anyone.

Patrick Hughes III, a set decorator and dresser, was Reilly's bitch; the two met backstage while Reilly was appearing on the game show Battlestars. They fucked each other in Beverly Hills.

On May 25, 2007, Reilly died at his home of complications from pneumonia. This is a euphemism for AIDS. Probably Super-AIDS

Tits

2009-07-14T18:20:00.000-05:00

You're welcome.

US States

2009-07-13T20:40:00.003-05:00

Alabama - niggers and hilbillies
Alaska - cold as fuck
Arizona - hot as fuck
Arkansas - Bill Clinton's fuck central
California - hippies and mexicans - it stinks
Colorado - mountains
Connecticut - stuck up assholes
Delaware - worst state - residents are robots
District of Columbia - niggers and politicans
Florida - mickey mouse
Georgia - niggers and hilbillies
Hawaii - best state
Idaho - french fries
Illinois - niggers and chicago
Indiana - what the fuck is a hoosier??
Iowa - corn
Kansas - dorothy
Kentucky - whiskey and hillbillies
Louisiana - hot sauce
Maine - lobsters and hippies
Maryland - niggers
Massachusetts - pricks
Michigan - detroit (niggers)
Minnesota - cold
Mississippi - niggers and hillbillies
Missouri - who gives a fuck
Montana - nothing
Nebraska - nothing
Nevada - hookers
New Hampshire - cold?
New Jersey - guinea waps
New Mexico - like old mexico, but with less history
New York - assholes
North Carolina - hicks
North Dakota - injuns
Ohio - fuckshits
Oklahoma - boring
Oregon - oregon trail game
Pennsylvania - ben franklin was a pedophile
Rhode Island - small, who cares
South Carolina - hicks
South Dakota - injuns
Tennessee - memphis is niggers
Texas - cowboys
Utah mormons (morons)
Vermont - hippies
Virginia - hicks
Washington - george
West Virginia - hillbillies and thats it
Wisconsin - chee
Wyoming - nothing

brb, poop

2009-07-11T11:56:00.002-05:00

Family Circle-Jerk

2009-07-09T18:53:00.000-05:00

Anti-Semitism : Fun for the Whole Family

2009-07-08T20:36:00.002-05:00

If you took all of the people in world, put them in a pot and boiled them, Jews would be the scum you couldn't get off of the bottom of the pot. Jews love to screw over non-Jews. Bernie Madoff comes to mind. "I HAVE A COUPON" says the millionaire Jew looking to save 20 cents on a tube of generic toothpaste. It must be hard to look down your nose at everyone, Jew, when your nose is bigger than most people's forearms. Be aware: thereare secret Jews everywhere. Some will claim they are not jewish, but you can tell the difference with these tips, the "7 Habits of Highly Jewish Jews":

1. They are homosexuals.

2. They insist on using coupons.

3. They have little bags of gold around their necks

4. Yamikas.

5. They say Oy Vey, and Verklempt.

6. They love Woody Allen Films.

7. They are lawyers.

Tuesday is Jew-Day

2009-07-07T22:06:00.005-05:00

I HAZ A SPLITTING HEDACHE!

Sports

2009-07-06T17:42:00.003-05:00

Sports are gay. People that watch sports are even gayer. A bunch of guys sitting around watching other guys get sweaty and touching each other. Balls. Pitch and Catching. Hot Dogs. Locker Rooms. The whole idea reeks of queer. On another note, sports mostly have blacks as players, epecially basketball. Magic Johnson: A basketball player with a magic johnson. So magical, that it will kill you if you fuck it. The only good thing about sports is that women are 3 times more likely to suffer a beating at the hands of a man during televised sports shows. Get your ass in that kitchen, make me a sammich, and shut the fuck up, you dumb cunt.

Lazy Sunday

2009-07-05T20:25:00.001-05:00

LOL, HANG IN THERE !

Fuck America

2009-07-04T14:56:00.003-05:00

4th of Jew-Lie. America is a piece of Jew-Nose garbage. Why didn't the terrorists finish the job? 9/11 should be a holiday, so we can celebrate what might have been. Next time, guys. Americans are fat, lazy, retarded, shit-stains. You have a nigger for president. LOL. Faggot loving, AIDS infected, ass-lickers.

Faggot-Free Friday

2009-07-03T08:14:00.002-05:00

SICK!

Blacks: Be Thankful for Slavery

2009-07-02T17:09:00.005-05:00

Hey nigros: I got news for you. If your ancestors were never slaves you would still be in Africa, chucking spears at each other. Yeah, in fact instead of getting reparations from white people, you should be paying us, for bringing you to this country. I think you owe each white person in America the cost of a boat ride from Africa to America, say $1000. Cough up blackies, payment is about 200 years late. Even the worst off blacks in America are better than most in Africa. I mean, look at those starving black kids in the commercials; I don't think they get food stamps. They just get AIDS and die. So blacks....From White America to You: You're Welcome

SO Hungry

2009-07-01T17:19:00.003-05:00

Classic.

Tim Russert - Actual Death Footage

2009-06-30T17:35:00.003-05:00

This film has recently surfaced.

Chamix - xxxx

2009-06-29T21:19:00.004-05:00

laffs!!!!

BAD: A MJ TRIBUTE

2009-06-28T14:15:00.006-05:00

These are the actual lyrics. If you realize that his songs are in fact directed towards little boys, then everything else falls into place. Looks at how gay they are. Also, SHAMON is a secret pedophile password. AND... a video production made by yours truly. Enjoy.

Your butt is mine
Gonna take you right
Just show your face
In broad daylight
Im telling you
On how I feel
Gonna hurt your mind
Dont shoot to kill
Come on,
Come on,
Lay it on me all right...

Im giving you
On count of three
To show your stuff
Or let it be . . .
Im telling you
Just watch your mouth
I know your game
What youre about

Well they say the skys the limit
And to me thats really true
But my friend you have seen nothing
Just wait til I get through . . .

Because Im bad, Im bad-come on
(bad bad-really, really bad)
You know Im bad, Im bad-you know it
(bad bad-really, really bad)
You know Im bad, Im bad-come on, you know
(bad bad-really, really bad)
And the whole world has to answer right now
Just to tell you once again,
Whos bad . . .

The word is out
Youre doin wrong
Gonna lock you up
Before too long,
Your lyin eyes
Gonna take you right
So listen up
Dont make a fight,
Your talk is cheap
Youre not a man
Youre throwin stones
To hide your hands

But they say the skys the limit
And to me thats really true
And my friends you have seen nothin
Just wait til I get through . . .

Chorus

We can change the world tomorrow
This could be a better place
If you dont like what Im sayin
Then wont you slap my face . . .

Chorus

Chorus

BILLY MAYS HERE: CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL!!!

2009-06-28T13:31:00.005-05:00

I have nothing bad to say about this man. He is an even bigger dick than I am.

Jesus Christ: World's Biggest Queer

2009-06-27T08:17:00.005-05:00

Here are some "facts" about Jesus from the Bible:

He hung out with 12 dudes all of the time. Sounds like a big gay orgy in the desert.
Forgave everyone. This guy had no balls, and was a big sissy.
Kissed men. Enough said.
Let himself get killed by Romans. It's like he's a goth-emo suicide boy looking for attention.
Thought he was the son of God. That's retarded, not gay, but whatever.
Has his own gay bondage tape. It's called "The Passion of the Christ".
He actually died of AIDS.
Why do you think they call it a "Glory" hole.

Faggot-Free Friday

2009-06-26T17:30:00.001-05:00

Jacko : Ha Ha, You're Dead

2009-06-25T17:40:00.004-05:00

Entertainer Michael Jackson has died after being taken to a hospital on Thursday after suffering a nasty case of Super-AIDS, according to multiple reports including the Los Angeles Times and the Associated Press. CNN has not confirmed his death.
Jackson, 50, had been in a coma at the hospital, sources told CNN.

Brian Oxman, a Jackson family attorney, said he was told by brother Randy Jackson that Michael Jackson collapsed at his home in west Los Angeles Thursday morning after shoving a newborn baby into his anus.

Family members were told of the situation and were either at the hospital or en route, Oxman said.

Fire Capt. Steve Ruda told CNN a 911 call came in from a west Los Angeles residence at 12:21 p.m.

Ruda said Jackson was treated and transferred to the NAMBLA headquarters.

Asked specifics of the patient's condition, he said he could not discuss them because it was too disgusting.

The music icon from Gary, Indiana, is known as the "King of Pop", and also as a "Faggot Child Molester"

Jackson is the seventh of nine children in a well-known musical family.

At the medical center, every entrance to the emergency room was blocked by security guards. Even hospital staffers were not permitted to enter. A few people stood inside the waiting area, some of them crying, but most of them laughing.

No Fat Chicks

2009-06-24T22:19:00.004-05:00

Fat Bitches. N. O. Stop eating so much, and start excercising. No one wants to see your muffin top, your love handles, your disgusting fat jowls, and especially your cankles. Anorexia or bulemia is your best option. Get thin, quickly. Please. Run until you pass out, and go for weeks without eating until you look good. May I also recommed the A+ diet to you. You give me $1000, and I will GUARANTEE you will be thin. I handcuff you in my basement, to the treadmill, and you only get water until you are thin. The treadmill is on for 8 hours a day. This helps everyone, because now no one has to see your fat-body. Also I could light you on fire. But remember, grease fires are hard to put out.

Iran - Sit Down and Shut Up

2009-06-23T18:43:00.005-05:00

Gimme a break, Iran. You're acting like you haven't lived under a 3rd world dictatorship for the last 30 years. Did you really think your votes mattered? No one gives a flying carpet-shit about you or your little protests. I watch the news just to get a glimpse of one of you backward-ass fucks getting the shit kicked out of you by a even more idiotic thug with a baton. Yeah, you should just give up. No one is on your side, everyone wants you to fail. You will never be released from your shackles, and history proves it. This is what happens when a weak race of people tries to govern itself. Fuck off and die, Iran.

Chamix- Majikal

2009-06-22T19:01:00.004-05:00

aaa

Happy Father's Day!

2009-06-21T18:58:00.002-05:00

Guess what, all you did was ejaculate into some bitch's cunt. Go fuck yourself.

Beating a Woman

2009-06-20T11:41:00.003-05:00

Whoever said that men should not hit women, has obviously never had the good gaces to pummel the face of an unsuspecting female. The crunch of the face bones as your fist makes contact with her nose and teeth. You can see the droplets of blood splatter out her mouth as the spit and blood mix to form a frothy mixture of pinkish foam. And then comes the second hit. Wham! and a third and fourth, Wham! Wham!. All the while the adrenaline and testosterone is raging through your veins. You can't even feel your knuckles anymore, numb from the tightly balled fist. You grab her hair and hold her lifeless head up off the ground; with the other hand you are repeating pummelling of the mouth and chin, until your hands are sore. Soaked with blood. You can't even recognize her face anymore, but yet you cannot stop hitting. Next, your pants come off. This is what you've been waiting for. You are hard as a fucking rock. No fucking regrets.

Faggot-Free Friday

2009-06-19T18:21:00.002-05:00

Job For A Cowboy. Bad Ass.

Chamix - Fuck YOU!

2009-06-18T17:34:00.005-05:00

a clue? tqw1129181udjhdeb jd j827 nj2o

Old Fucks

2009-06-17T18:12:00.005-05:00

I hate old people. I FUCKING HATE them. They can't hear shit, can't see shit, can't remember shit, contribute nothing to society. Plus, they stink, are slow, they suck at driving. They usually can be found in church praying for God to kill them, or sitting in their house, collecting cancer points. The best part about old people is that they will die soon. And they are easily tricked, such as taking their money, or they let you into their apartment and then you rape them. LOL! Fun for the whole family. Wow, old people sure do seem a lot like retards. The connection is that when you get old, you become retarded. The solution is to kill yourself before you get old. Also, kill yourself if you are retarded.

Uppity

2009-06-16T17:48:00.002-05:00

Will Smith, Carlton Banks, Rosa Parks. What do all of these Black people have in common? They are considered uppity. What does uppity actually mean? Its a tricky thing to pin down, but I think it can be summed up by the following: Thinking that you are better than your lot in life. I don't think its a bad thing, neccessarily, but man is it sure annoying. I mean, get real blacks! White america will never share "whiteness" with you, even if you talk, dress and act like us. Why? Because blacks look too much like gorillas. The following picture is evidence.

Best of "Yo Mama" Jokes

2009-06-15T18:20:00.003-05:00

Yo mama so stupid she failed a drug test.

Yo mama so ugly, her appearance frightens children.

Yo mama such a ho, I fucked her with a baseball bat. Anally.

Yo mama stank so bad, I shot her in the face.

Yo mama so fat, I poured gasoline on her when she was sleeping, and lit a match. She melted into the mattress.

Yo mama so stupid, I came on her face and punched out her teeth.

Yo mama so fat, I locked her in a closet for 3 weeks.

Yo mama so black, she is a slave.

Chamix - Yay

2009-06-14T17:13:00.005-05:00

Which kloo is 4 yu ?

Shit Eaters

2009-06-14T15:17:00.004-05:00

Have you ever seen internet porn? Of course you have, you sick fuck. On your journey through the never-ending sea of filth, have you ever stumbled upon some "scat" porn? What's this, you ask? People eating shit, and getting off on it. Yep, some people want to eat shit. Well, I say, go right ahead! Eat my shit, while you're at it. I would like to be the guy shitting into some girl's mouth on a scat porn flick. I would make sure that I ate a whole bunch of peanuts and dairy and refried beans the day before. And some ex-lax, just to give it that little extra splat. Man I would unload on this bitch's mouth. I would then have her lick my asshole clean, becuse no one wants any extra shit dribbles running down thier leg. Also it would save on toilet paper costs. Let's take it a step further. I will get rid of my toilet, and have my own personl shit slave. Open up and say ahhhh! The only problem could be when she says, "Ok, now it's your turn"

Cat Serial Killer Strikes South Florida: Spike Wanted for Questioning

2009-06-13T22:16:00.004-05:00

She was a tiny tabby with white paws, purring among a half-dozen other homeless kittens in a box in front of a Publix supermarket.

Third-grader Joylene Ceballos pulled the hazel-eyed feline from the litter and named her Chloe. The rambunctious kitty would be at her side for the next 12 years, through elementary school and high school, and later, college.

Though other critters would join the Ceballos family, Chloe was the friendliest and most curious.

Sometime late Wednesday or early Thursday morning, Chloe was found butchered on a neighbor's manicured front lawn in the 8500 block of Southwest 162nd Street in Palmetto Bay.

''I grew up with that cat. How could he do that to a little animal?'' said Ceballos, 21, home on summer break from the Fashion Institute of Technology.

Chloe, found about 7 a.m., is among 18 cats whose deaths were apparently the work of Spike, a serial killer plaguing Palmetto Bay and Cutler Bay since early May. Two other mutilated cats also were found Thursday.

Police said they have received more than 60 handwritten letters from Spike regarding the killings and have collected strong evidence of animal cruelty in 18 cases. Animal cruelty is a felony punishable by up to five years in prison for each count.

''Spike really fucking hates cats,'' said Detective Rebeca Perez, a Miami-Dade police spokeswoman. ``These are cowardly acts by this individual.''

CATS MUTILATED

Like most of the other cases, Chloe was gutted, her belly sliced open and her insides pulled out. Mysteriously, as in other cases, there was no blood, leading witnesses to speculate that the cat may have been killed elsewhere and deposited on the lawn.

A day earlier, four dead cats were discovered in the same vicinity. Of those, police ruled out two cases and are waiting on necropsies to confirm whether the other two were the work of Spike.

Spike preys on felines almost on a daily basis, and some jittery residents are afraid to go outside.

''I have three kids,'' said a resident in the upscale Palmetto Bay neighborhood who did not want to give her name.

Said another neighbor: ``It's really creepy because you're just waiting for him to graduate from cats.''

Ceballos' father, Jose, was working on his computer about 1 a.m. when his beagle started barking in the garage. Ceballos said he keeps the garage door ajar for the cats to come in and out, and he briefly peeked outside, thinking it could be a prowler.

''I was afraid. I didn't see anything because of the bushes, and I didn't want to go outside,'' he said.

Joylene said she last saw Chloe in the garage about 8 p.m. Wednesday.

''It was such a sick and twisted thing to do -- not only to my cat -- but to all the other cats,'' she said, admitting she was still in shock.

CAUTION URGED

Authorities are warning residents to keep their cats indoors at night when the killings seem to be taking place.

On Thursday, law school student Vanessa Bravo spent 15 minutes coaxing her cat inside. The 7-year-old cat lives with Bravo's parents in Palmetto Bay.

''Somebody who does that shows a depraved mind,'' she said. ``It's not somebody I want to live next to.''

Research in psychology and criminology has shown that individuals who commit such acts of cruelty to animals can move on to harming humans.

Psychiatrist Ewald Horwath says Spike is a disturbed young dog, alienated from society.

''This is someone who's willing to be violent,'' said Horwath, head of psychiatry at the University of Miami Miller School of Medicine. ``It involves a degree of cruelty and sadism that is quite disturbing.''

Noting that one of the owners of a slain cat was a police officer who had a marked patrol car in the driveway, Horwath said the killer is brazen and showing signs of escalation.

''It has an attention-seeking quality, which is worrisome,'' Horwath said.

Neighbors first took notice of the serial cat killings on May 13, when five were found dead in Palmetto Bay.

On that day, Barbara Wiesinger's calico cat, Cami, had been missing for hours. She hadn't seen the shy cat sleeping in the cool shade beneath Wiesingers' husband's white pickup truck -- or sitting by the waterfall inside the tiny pond in their front yard.

Wiesinger was walking down her street when she glanced at a neighbor's front yard and noticed a mound of brown and orange hair moving in the wind.

The top half of the cat's face was missing, cut down to facial bone. Her eyes and snout were gone, her head crushed. Wiesinger remembered there was no blood.

''I knew it was my Cami,'' she recalled.

Dr. Sara Pizano, director of Miami-Dade Animal Services, said her office has several investigators working with police on the case.

``It's devastating and we're gravely concerned -- not just for the animals -- but for our constituents.''

Citizens are warned not to approach Spike, because he may bite you.

Super-AIDS

2009-06-13T21:14:00.003-05:00

Here is a list of celebrities that are currently infected with Super-AIDS.

1. Ryan Seacrest

2. Oprah Winfrey

3. Britney Spears

4. The Rock

5. Hugh Grant

6. John Travolta.

7. Brett Favre

What is Super-AIDS? Well its like regular AIDS, except that it makes you extra faggy and then your genitals explode.

Amanda Knox: Hot (Alleged) Murderer

2009-06-13T20:15:00.004-05:00

So in case you haven't heard about Amanda Knox, click through for the back story. This bitch was into some freaky-ass sex. Plus she ain't bad to look at. She fuckin slit the throat of the bitch she was fucking. I bet Amanda is a real animal in bed. Like a bear with a knife, and the knife has poison on it. I love this bitch. KILL ME AMANDA! KILL MEEEEEE! I hope they make a movie about her so that they can then make a porn movie spoof of that movie. That will be my most favorite movie ever made.

Chamix - !!!

2009-06-13T10:13:00.005-05:00

A KLOO !

Retards are Funny

2009-06-13T10:04:00.004-05:00

Ahh retards...Nature's jesters. I can't think of anything funnier than a retard setting himself on fire and running around in circles until he's unconcious, smoking and smoldering in a big ol' pile of retarded ashes. Classic Comedy bits. What I don't like is when retards are in public and they are not on fire. What is the point? Shouldn't they be locked up only to be paraded around for amusement, and then buried? What kind of a world are we living in when it is considered a "crime" to shoot arrows at retards? It's like we're living in Nazi Germany. And remember the old saying: Every time a retard burns, Jesus gets an erection.

Faggot-Free Friday

2009-06-12T17:24:00.003-05:00

Each friday I will post an awesome music video. Here's the first one.

Chastity Bono -or- Why I Became a Bulemic

2009-06-11T18:08:00.005-05:00

Ok, so I'm not actually a bulemic, but hearing about/seeing Chastity Bono made me throw up today. I'm not sure that Chastity is actually a human being. I'm pretty sure that she might be a shaved bear or possibly a pillowcase packed full of rotten bologna. In any case major news sites are reporting that this disgusting lard is getting a sex change operation. So now instead of being an ugly fat bull-dyke, she will now be an ugly fat guy with a vagina. Some how this doesn not seem better, but much, much worse. Why can't lesbians be more like the lesbians in porno, meaning hot, and not so ugly and fat. God is a cruel fucking bastard.

Chamix - More

2009-06-10T17:45:00.005-05:00

WATCH FOR CLUES!

Slim Jim Factory Explodes: Macho Man Wanted for Questioning

2009-06-09T19:35:00.007-05:00

GARNER, N.C. - An explosion at a Slim Jim meat products plant Tuesday injured at least 41 people, including four who suffered critical burns, and left a toxic cloud around the facility. Former WWE Star Macho Man Randy Savage is wanted currently for questioning after several people saw him fleeing the scene with several cases of Slim Jims.

Hours after the blast, authorities said they found one person inside the 500,000-square-foot plant but wouldn't say whether the person was alive. The search continued for two others still missing.

"We don't know if they're in the building or not, but we're going to go look for them," said Jeffrey Hammerstein, district chief with Wake County Emergency Medical Services. "We also want Mr. Savage to return those Slim Jims he stole from the facility."

Chris Woods, a worker at the facility, said he started running after feeling an explosion around 11 a.m.

"I was picking up a piece of meat off the line and I felt it, the percussion in my chest," Woods said. "One of the guys I was working with got blown back, he flew backwards. Thats's when I saw Macho Man Randy Savage running from the source of the explosion."

Woods said he later saw people with burns on stretchers. He also said that Mr. Savage was taunting ambulance drivers to a cage match at the next Wrestlemania.

Kim Jong-il : Ruthless Dictator or Great Guy

2009-06-09T17:39:00.007-05:00

Kimmy is in the news again, for firing some missiles and arresting some foreigners trying to sneak across his border. America fires missiles and arrests border jumpers all of the time, right? I think this guy is getting a bum rap. Here are some lesser know facts about Kim Jong-il and North Korea.

N. Korea boasts 0% unemployment. Not an easy task in these shitty economic times.
Kim has won every election that he has been in, and you wont find one person in his country criticizing his administration.
In N. Korea EVERYONE has access to free medical care, and no insurance premiums.
He has directed / produced several prominent Korean films such as "Five Guerrilla Brothers" and "The Sea of Blood".
There is virtually no crime in N. Korea, and all law-abiding citizens have nothing to fear due to the tremendous police presence.
Kim has been trying to bring down the divide that separates the Korean Peninsula for over 15 years.

So as you can see, N. Korea is not some horrible 3rd world backward-ass shit shack, but a modern militarily strong nation state, with one of the most forward thinking men at its helm. Dear Leader indeed!

David Carradine - Joy Boy

2009-06-08T17:08:00.003-05:00

So David Carradine was into some freaky shit, apparently. Some 2nd rate Thailand rag published this picture saying that it is of the aforementioned has-been. It is obviously a fake, but the real humor is in the description that the police gave as to how they found him. He was found hanging by his neck with the rope tied to his neck and ding-dong. What is a man of that age doing jerking off anyways. He should have spent his time watching The Price Is Right and Wheel of Fortune. Although, that would probably drive someone to kill themselves anyway.

5 Worst Pieces of Garbage in Entertainment

2009-06-07T15:57:00.009-05:00

5. Jeff Dunham

Not funny Jeff. I mean talk about a whole bunch of fluff and no content for an act. PUPPETS ARE FOR KIDS, ASSHOLE!!!!. I mean the jokes he tells without the puppets are the kind of shit you'd hear on a wednesday open mic nite at a Barnes and Noble. Even the stuff with the Puppets is repetitive and weak. I would bet $100 of my own cash that this guy is a closet queer. I KEEEEL YOU!!!!, Jeff Dunham.

4. Bill O'Reilly

This guy is a total idiot, and he's a loudmouth ignorant piece of garbage. I think I saw a photo of him one time giving head to Dennis Rodman at a Knicks game. Anyway, fuck this moron and his show. No spin zone?? More like the meatspin zone.

3. Rosie O'Donnell

Jesus Fuckstain Christ. This is the fattest ugliest bull-dyke that I've ever seen. She is obnoxious, disgusting and I bet she smells like rotten cottage cheese. Could you imagine if you were the unlucky lezbo that had to eat out that snatch. I think I'd rather stick an ice-cold screwdriver in my eye.

2. Julia Roberts

Ugly bitch that makes crappy moives, and she is terrible at acting. She looks like a horse got hit in the face with a sledge hammer. Also she is retarded. I heard she got assfucked by a German Shepherd and then she had a half human half dog baby girl. And she named it Dakota Fanning.

1. Jonas Brothers.

Who the fuck let these little faggot-ass shit stains on the radio or television. They suck each others cocks in a daisy chain and gargle. I wonder if their AIDS is full blown or in remission. Worthless sacks of shit, and also the fake christian act is pretty obviously fake.

Faggot Priest

2009-06-07T11:48:00.003-05:00

Whats the difference between acne and a Catholic Priest? Acne will usually not come on a kid's face until around 13 or 14 years of age.

This boy says, "Father Flannigan, what's a pervert?" The priest replies "shut up and keep suckin".

After five years of toil at a small country church, an priest was burning the midnight oil at his office. Suddenly, there was a flash of light, and a tower of smoke burst from the floor. Satan stepped out of the smoke, and addressed the young priest: "I understand you'd give absolutely anything to make bishop," said the devil, "So I've come here to make you an offer. I'll make you a bishop, but in return I will take the souls of your brother, your parents, your fellow seminary class, your cardinal, and all of your friends. "The priest looked strangely puzzled, and thought hard for several minutes. Finally, he turned to Satan and asked, "What's the catch?"

Chamix: Da Moovee

2009-06-07T09:24:00.002-05:00

Watch for CLUES!

Taking a Beating

2009-06-07T08:22:00.005-05:00

Here is a short list of people who need a good old-fashioned beating. In no particular order: Paris Hilton, Perez Hilton, Prince Charles, The corpse of Princess Diana, George W. Bush, George Regular Bush, Jon & Kate, Plus 8, Eddie Murphy, Dane Cook, Sex and the City...the list could literally go on forever. And these are just the people who are famous. They will probably not end up getting their deserved beating. But there are plenty of non-famous people who have a beating due. I bet that they don't have hired security to protect their asses. So watch out, shitheads, the next time you are walking out to yor car, late at night, all alone, you might get a chloroform soaked rag over your face. I've got a 2 foot length of stainless steel pipe with your name on it.

Business Idea : Crack4Kids

2009-06-06T22:15:00.005-05:00

Worried about your job due to the economic downturn? Don't have any skills or education? Do yo have look about you that says, "I don't have a job, and I think you know why!" Well, here is a great business opportunity for you! Become a crack dealer! But not just any standard crack dealer, you have to specialize in this day and age. The new craze is flavored crack, for kids! Kids have the largest percent of disposable income for any age group, and kids are really stupid and vulnerable. Set up shop at your local park or school playground. "Who wants some Banana Blamo? I have Choco-rocks for you!" Once they pop, they can't stop, and those little bastards won't know what hit them....but you know what they'll be hittin'.....

Shut the Fuck Up, You Fat Bitch

2009-06-06T22:06:00.000-05:00

The title says it all. Who the fuck said that this fat cunt could be on television?? She looks like 300 lbs. of gravy covered pig shit. Here's the background on fatty-up. I don't give a shit if she sounds good. Let her be on radio or put a big blacked "censored" box over her whole body. This disgusting excuse for a human should not be viewed by anyone. Fuck Simon Cowell for putting her on TV. Enough.

Chamix

2009-06-06T16:25:00.000-05:00

Here are some "Classic Chamix" Humor is fun. Also, what is the hidden meaning, there are clues hidden throughout the blog. Can you solve the mystery? What is the riddle? What prizes will the winner recieve? Secrets will be revealed on this blog at random intervals!!! Look at the texts and pictures! Gain clues from other readers.

Teasing the Homeless

2009-06-06T16:13:00.000-05:00

Here's a great way to have fun: Teasing the local homeless guy. Most homeless are drunks and junkies, with very little energy to fight back. It can be a whole family adventure to drive by a homeless person and wave a bottle of vodka in his face. Go by slow, and yell, "Want Some Booze, Rummy?" When he approaches, creep along a bit more, mocking him. After he follows you for say half a mile give him the bottle. Here's the fun part: the bottle's contents have been replaced with water! A great laugh for all involved. And if the bum gives you grief, or appears to be angry, have your "five-hole" masonry brick ready. Aim for the dead center of his face, and smash him with all your might. It's what I like to call a win-win situation.....You've had great entertainment, and the bum will be unconcious or possibly dead.

Note: If there are no homeless in your area, can also substitute children for the bums, but instead of booze, tease them with chocolate. Also, it's not really chocolate, but dog turds.

Disclaimer

2009-06-06T16:01:00.000-05:00

This blog is for humor only, and does not imply guilt of any crime or any liabilty whatsoever. If you are offended by any content, then go fuck yourself, and all material used on the website has been obtained without permission. Also, feel free to drop me a line and give me some money, because I am poor, and possibly a minority. Also, I like free stuff.